top of page
  • Writer's pictureBrynn Paulin

Darth Vader's 7 Tips for Summer

Good morning! It’s Tuesday! Welcome back to Brynn’s Daily Joe! Today, we have Darth Vader here with his 7 Tips for Summer. So, without further ado…

Brynn: Mr. Vader, thank you for being here today. We appreciate your time.

Vader: Of course, you do. Let’s get this out of the way I have a new Death Star—I mean, humanitarian space station—to oversee building. And call me Lord Vader.

Brynn: Okay…all yours then…

Darth Vader’s 7 Tips for Summer

Tip 1: Learn something new

This is a great time to learn a new language. If I might…I recommend Ewokese. It would have come in handy to me.

Brynn: I’m using Duolingo to learn Spanish.

Vader: Do they have Ewokese?

Brynn: No. They have Klingon and High Valyrian, though.

Vader: Unimpressive.

Brynn: I’m really learning—

Vader: Are you disagreeing with me?

Tip 2: Evolve

Dissatisfied with life? Summer is a great time to evolve. I was once the son of a slave and I became one of the most powerful in the Imperial Empire. Look for opportunities to move forward. You may need to leave that place where you’re comfortable or even go to a galaxy far, far away. Keep learning, keep growing, keep clawing your way to where you want to be. Don’t let anyone stand in your way.

Tip 3: Sunscreen

Forget about it. Full body armor is the way to go. I’ve used it for years to maintain my ghostly white skin. Full body armor is the perfect protection from rebel scum.

Brynn: You mean the sun?

Vader: That’s what I said.

Brynn: Okay…

Tip 4: Be patient with the Kids

As a single father, I’ve had difficulty with my ungrateful spawn. They’re terribly destructive. Children will be children, right? But the kids are around a lot in the summer. My best advice: Don’t Force-choke them. Even if they destroy your brand new place. Twice. It might be a good time to get away and practice your lightsaber skills. Above all, patience young padawan, patience.

Tip 5: Practice Your Skills

Look…just because you’re learning new things and evolving, don’t let your old skills fall to the wayside. Fall will be here again and you may need to pull out that lightsaber once more, or your extraordinary pod-racing skills, or the Force-choke—

Brynn: you mean The Force?

Vader: I mean Force-choke. Stop interrupting me or I may need to practice it.

So don’t forget the little things that make you you. You never know when those skills will come in handy and you’ll need to race off into the stars.

Tip 6: Don’t trust Corellian Alcohol

Brynn: And?

Vader: That’s it. I’m not saying loose lips destroyed my ships, but Kyle Katarn…he didn’t defect from the Imperial Empire, we kicked him out. If he hadn’t been drunk on Corellian liquor he wouldn’t have broken into the compound on Danuta and stolen the plans for the Alliance.

Brynn: Does the Imperial Empire fire people? I thought it was comply or die?

Vader: (silent stare)

Tip 7: Pick a Path and Stay With It

There is no dark side.

Brynn: Whoa! Wait a second. I have heard you specifically say: Come to the Dark side.

Vader: Metaphor.

Brynn: What…? Also, these seem to have become more like life lessons than tips for summer.

Vader: Summer is also a metaphor. So I’ll go on…

Brynn: Be my guest.

Vader: Thought I was, but you keep rudely interrupting. Are you with the Rebel Alliance? Do you know their location? What are their plans—

Brynn: Don’t Force-choke the messenger. I’m just asking questions.

Right or wrong, light or dark… It’s about perspective. Everyone is the hero of their story. I’ve always been painted the bad guy in the whole thing. Started with my ex-wife. What a snowflake. All I want in life is to further the order of the Empire. I’ve faced many detractors, those who have fallen for rebellious propaganda. Because of the weak like them, I must work all the harder on my path for the right.

I could go on, but I’ll conclude with: Choose your side, your path and stay with it.

Even to death. Even if you change the topic of your guest article.

Brynn: Okaaaaaay. And thank you, Mr. Vader for today’s insights.

Vader: Lord Vader.

Brynn: Right.


Today, August 4, 2020

Today, I'm getting into rhythm with dog meds. One of my poochies was diagnosed as being diabetic so I'm figuring out meds twice a day. Otherwise, I'll be working on Rise of the Vy Kings and Postcards in the Sand.

Below is a little peek at Chords #TuesdayTeaser

Love ys,

~~ Brynn



bottom of page