• Brynn Paulin

12 Worst Love Songs...Evah!


Good morning and welcome back to Brynn's Daily Joe!! It's Monday, August 3rd.


First...How did it get to be August already? I have no idea. Now, look, I know August is still part of summer, but I'm telling you August 1 hits and I'm like FALL!!!!! I can't help it. August = the beginning of autumn for me.


Now, I polled my Brynn's Place readers and asked what they'd like to see on the Daily Joe. They said they'd like to see the Joe come back. No suggestions though. (Very helpful. Love you guys anyway!) So now you're stuck with my oddball topics and opinions. Okay, let's be real. You were stuck with that anyway. Today, my offering is:


The 12 WORST Love Songs of All Time


Now, I may not hit your ultimate worst songs here OR I may list a song you lurve, but these are my opinions. Sorry Not Sorry (speaking of a great song. I love that Demi Lovato tune).


First things first, these are in no particular order. Some may be worse than others but to me they're just equal. All right that's not fully true. Some are definitely worse but full disclosure, I didn't feel like rating them Worst Worst to Best Worst. You see my dilemma. But like a good "student" I have defended my opinions with examples. Without more ado, let's do this!


1. Escape (Pina Colada Song)


This song gets lots of side-eye from me. Let's break it down, shall we? It's got a hella catchy tune. And I loved the heck out of it. Until I actually listen to the words and thought about them. SCREEECHHHHHHH! What?!?


Okay...so this guy was "bored with his lady", so he decided that he'd place a personal ad to find someone else. He finds the perfect woman then goes to meet her and... "It's his own lovely lady". How romantic.


Blinking.... Blinking... Blinking... Letting it settle in.


Yeah.


These two cheaters deserve each other. Wonder what happens the next time they get bored.


2. Knock Three Times


All right...this is a cute teeny bopper song. Again, see I have this problem of listening to songs then thinking about them. So there's this guy and apparently, he's in love with his downstairs neighbor. It's the making of a good romance novel. But this guy...rather than man up and talk to her, he's looking for her to speak to him in code. Dude, come on. Just go talk to the girl! Also... You don't even know me...I love you. Stalker alert.


Hey girl what ya doin' down there

Dancin' alone every night while I live right above you

I can hear your music playin'

I can feel your body swayin'

One floor below me you don't even know me

I love you

Oh my darling

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me

Twice on the pipe if the answer is no


3. Every Breath You Take


Speaking of stalkers... Then there's the ultimate stalker anthem. I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves.


Every move you make

Every bond you break

Every step you take

I'll be watching you


4. Ticks


Okay, besides the fact the idea of ticks makes me itchy...


And I'd like to check you for ticks


The only thing allowed to crawl all over you

When we get there is me


Friend, if you're taking me somewhere that I need to be checked for ticks, this date is over.


5. My Heart Will Go Onnnnnnnn


Per se, there's nothing wrong with this song. I just can't hear it and not think of selfish Rose and poor, poor frozen Jack...


No, I take that back. I do have a problem with this one. I have got to stop thinking about the words! But then I write. Words are my thing. And as a love song goes this one is kind of... depressing as hell. It's obviously about a lost love. We don't know how the love was lost (Icy water, Brynn. Too selfish to share that door...). But this person will go one...but they're not going to find love again. 'Cause that's that.


Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on


Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go 'til we're gone.


Yeah...okay. Look, I believe in romance and true love, but this song...


6. Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw


Yes, this is a real song. By Jimmy Buffett. I don't think we need a lot of defense here. The title kind of convicts itself. But in case you need more...


I just bought a waterbed

It's filled up for me and you

They said you're a snub queen

Honey, I don't think that's true

So, why don't we get drunk and screw


7. I Would Do Anything for Love


...But I won't do that.


Ever wonder what Meatloaf won't do? I'm sure it's returning the favor. Selfish jerk. He and Rose need to talk. (Aren't you sorry now that you didn't give me topics?)


8. Havin' My Baby


Paul, Paul, Paul... A lovely way of saying what you're thinking? A card, Paul. A card.


What a lovely way of sayin'

How much you love me

Havin' my baby

What a lovely way of sayin'

What you're thinkin' of me


9. Sometimes When We Touch


Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much and I have to close my eyes and hide.


Huh. 'Cause, baby, he's just not that into you. In you maybe. But into you? No.


You ask me if I love you

And I choke on my reply

I'd rather hurt you honestly

Than mislead you with a lie


They call it a love song, but it's a confession of non-love.


10. Your Body is a Wonderland


Discover me, discovering you.


Yeah...that's all I have on that one. I just don't like the song. Okay?


11. Marry You


Okay, here's another one. The ultimate proposal song. Right? But guys... This is a divorce in the making. It's dumb but let's get drunk and get married. I don't know why. Maybe it's the alcohol. But hey! I think I like you. (This guy should go talk to the Havin' My Baby guy.)


It's a beautiful night

We're looking for something dumb to do

Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you


Who cares if we're trashed

Got a pocket full of cash we can blow

Shots of Patron

And it's on girl


12. Get Outta of My Dreams, Get Into My Car


Mmmm... I'm going to wrap it up with the kidnapper/stalker song combo. I'll admit, even when this came out back in the 80s, I was giving it side-eye. Besides the chorus and non-stop car metaphors being obnoxious, it's got some questionable...things.


Hey you, get in to my car! Who me? Yes you, get in to my car Woooooooooh Wah! Hey

Who's that lady coming down the road Who's that lady Who's that woman walking through my door What's the score I'll be the sun shining on you Hey Cinderella step in your shoe I'll be your non-stop lover Get it while you can Your non-stop miracle, I'm your man


Picking up a girl he's been obsessing about. And he's going to be her non-stop lover but she better get it while she can? LOL, what? So this is a short-term obsession thing, huh?


Okay, so there you have it. Agree or disagree, these are my twelve. I bet there are more I didn't think of, but twelve was the limit.


Do you have a song that should be on this list? Let me know!


Today, August 3, 2020

It'll be a busy day. I'm still stacking words for Rise of the Vy Kings. It comes out October 1 and the goal is to have it complete by August 31. Want to preorder? You can get it HERE. Below is a teaser for the book.


I'm also finishing up on Chords which will release on August 18. It's a Rock-Star-Fan-Girl fantasy and part of this Summer's Forever Safe series. I should be finished with it on Wednesday. Yay! If you're interested in preordering, you can find it HERE.


I'm also working on my Sweet Steamy Nights book, Postcards in the Sand. This one is so much fun to write. It's my own sweet Harlequin-style story. All the feels! And a feline that came along for the ride, but that's a different story. It will release on August 28. Sorry, no preorder on this one.


That's about it! See you soon! Tomorrow I'll be bringing you Darth Vader's Guide to Summer. You don't want to miss that.


All my love!


~~Brynn




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